UniversalNetGuru vs. StarWarsStarTrek

[mojo]

The combatants find themselves in a locked room, and with no computers to aid them in their natural fighting style, they are forced to make due with lightsabers. However, neither has any force ability, so when they activate their weapons UniversalNetGuru accidentally chops off his big toe on his right foot, and StarWarsStarTrek accidentally slices off his left testicle and, somehow, his right buttcheek.
Who wins?

[mojo]

Oh yeah, EU is perfectly acceptable in this debate.

[Airlocke_Jedi_Knight]

Oh yeah, EU is perfectly acceptable in this debate.

Well, in the EU, non-Force sensitives are capable of using lightsabers. Hell, even the ANH novelization references this. It is mentioned that they are only seen in the corporate sector, as the weapons preferred by bigwig executives' bodyguards.

[mojo]

why does everybody keep writing scene when they mean seen? that's a baffling mistake to make imo. also, all eu is acceptable except things that would stop people from cutting off their own asses by accident.

[Khas]

Why not also give them each a phaser while we're at it?

[mojo]

because if i did that the fight would be decided by whoever could raise an arm and push a button faster! that's no fun.

[The Dude]

Why not also give them each a phaser while we're at it?

You want them to blow off their own feet as well?

[sonofccn]

I may have my differences with both members but this just seems childish and wantonly cruel. What is the point of it all?

[Airlocke_Jedi_Knight]

I may have my differences with both members but this just seems childish and wantonly cruel. What is the point of it all?

Seems you've discovered the point. Good Job!

[mojo]

i disagree. there is a rather large difference between 'childish and wantonly cruel' and 'childish and attempting to be funny about a rivalry that seems like it really could devolve into violence in the real world if the conditions were correct'. also, come on. slicing off testicles and buttocks with lightsabers IS funny.